Breaking the Silence: The Greater Impact of #MeToo
Hollywood is experiencing a powerful cultural reckoning, as masses of women are using their voices to stand against powerful perpetrators of sexual assault. From Harvey Weinstein to Kevin Spacey, it has been empowering to witness the power of women as they speak up against their abusers as well as the culture that has allowed for this behavior to go unchecked for so long. However, in the midst of this surely historical time, there has been some discourse on what can properly fall under the #MeToo umbrella (a hashtag for women who have been sexually assaulted or harassed) -- especially in the wake of the recent Aziz Ansari allegations. Some have criticized Ansari’s accuser, anonymously named Grace, claiming that by speaking about her experience, she is delegitimizing the more “real” experiences of sexual assault. But in order for us to truly dismantle rape culture and prevent sexual misconduct, we have to be able to recognize women’s stories that go beyond a conventional narrative, and examine toxic male behaviors that perpetuate rape culture and yet are still presented as acceptable actions.
In Grace’s story, which was published by Babe, she describes a date with Ansari that went horribly wrong, as he ignored verbal and nonverbal cues and continually pressured Grace to initiate in sexual acts, making Grace increasingly uncomfortable. After the publication of Grace’s story, there was a clear picking of sides. Did Ansari do something wrong, or was this just a bad date that Grace overreacted to The New York Times argued that Aziz Ansari’s only crime was “not being a mind reader” and The Atlantic depicted Ansari as the victim of a vengeful girl. The overall sentiment among Ansari supporters seemed to be: “Why is she complaining about this? It happens all the time!”
And that’s part of the problem. Consent has for far too long been misunderstood as simply the absence of a no. But proper consent, according to Newsweek, is “enthusiastic, verbal, and specific.” And when a woman says no, that no should be respected. Instead, on the date, after Grace said no, Ansari kept asking her, hoping to change her mind, making Grace feel pressured. That should not be the case. Men should not perceive a woman’s dissent as a fun challenge that they can overcome to get what they want.
Does Grace’s story display Ansari breaking any laws, or attempting to assault her? No. And while it’s important not to conflate inappropriate sexual behavior with rape, we also need to recognize that the normalization of everyday displays of rape culture in our lives contribute to a greater culture that allows for sexual assault to be dismissed and therefore, to flourish. Not only that, but we also have to remember that not every man who acts inappropriately looks like a villainous abuser, but can speak out against rape culture while unknowingly contributing to it. Most of all, we should not delegitimize any woman’s story by proclaiming that she is hurting a movement simply by sharing her personal experience. If we truly want #MeToo to resonate in a way that creates a far-reaching impact, it is imperative that we listen to every woman’s story.
Sources
https://www.nytimes.com/2018/01/15/opinion/aziz-ansari-babe-sexual-harassment.html
https://babe.net/2018/01/13/aziz-ansari-28355
http://www.independent.co.uk/voices/aziz-ansari-bad-sex-date-sexual-misconduct-feminism-latest-a8169556.html
https://www.theatlantic.com/entertainment/archive/2018/01/the-humiliation-of-aziz-ansari/550541/
https://www.nytimes.com/2018/01/15/opinion/aziz-ansari-babe-sexual-harassment.html